These Walls

By nature slovenly.

Drugs. I hate the word itself. It doesn’t look right. It doesn’t sound right. Drugs. Drugs. Drugs. When you talk about it, you have to be clear on what exact “drug” you are talking about. 

“Oh Johnny does drugs.”

Be clear! Pain relievers? Or straight marijuana and cocaine. Then again, Johnny is only 16, so he is definitely doing the “bad drugs.” I just hate the word. I don’t understand why. I just cringe when I hear it. 

Besides that, my mom still cracks jokes about me having smoked marijuana. So does everybody else in the family. I’m not ashamed of what I have done, but just hearing it from them is awkward. I can’t stand it. Ha. Oh, and just about everyone you know does drugs. You don’t know it at first until you do it yourself. Then all of a sudden they just appear in the circle. The parties. The late night runs. Knocking on your car window asking if they could possibly join.

“People think it’s all about misery and desperation and death and all that shit which is not to be ignored, but what they forget is the pleasure of it. Otherwise we wouldn’t do it. After all, we’re not fucking stupid. At least, we’re not that fucking stupid. ”  - Mark Renton

Goodnight & Farewell.

-Manuel

revealed

you try to hide me so the boys can run after you, I swear to god I’m wasting my time with you.

good friend

It’s been about perhaps four days since my old girlfriend gave me a call. At first it was a bit awkward due to our problems and all the crap we brought upon each other. Let me explain what were some issues.

We had no communication amongst each other. If one had a problem with a specific thing the other was doing we bottled it up and let it build up.

I promised things I couldn’t continue to keep. I was positive I would be able to lead her to the right path. Yet I was only kidding myself.

I gave up on her so many times it was ridiculous

She had a tendency to be extremely depressed, her father did pass away and I understood at first. However, it seemed to me as if she was forcing it upon herself.

_ ____ __ ___ ________.

She would get jealous, and so would I.

Well we have so much more. Enough to make a 300 page book. Just maybe. Overall we had our issues, something that overwhelmed us, especially me. We had multiple break ups, and the same getting back together again. I would leave her and date someone else for a few months and eventually we would run back to each other. We would hate each other for months on end until we found our mislead path back together once again.

Simply said, we were fucked up kids. She’s 18/19 if I’m correct. She has grown a lot to have the nerve to call and say what she has been wanting to say. I was proud she did it because I’ve been wanting her to tell me everything she felt. In the end, we have made peace and have our eyes set on other people.

I have told her about Jeanelle (girlfriend/sorta/maybe/idk), and she has told me about the guy she is seeing. We still have things to say to each other but we are comfortable being able to discuss our rights and wrongs and everything in between.

She is attending college, and I hope that continues to do well in school and hope she grows more to become what she wants to be. There’s so much to say about her (good things) maybe I’ll introduce her and every good friend I have.

Good day / Goodnight / Farewell

-Manuel

Troubles

I made everything for you and only wished to keep what you had for me. only to hear from you that you weren’t sure. It’s trash because honestly don’t lie to yourself. I know I’m just a pick me up